Limbo

There were 14 days between when I filed a police report about CDV (Criminal Domestic Violence) and Peter's actual arraignment. The responding officer allowed Peter an entire week to make a statement recounting his side of the events that occurred on our 15th wedding anniversary. The officer then submitted both of our reports to a local judge who deliberated for a few more days. Finally, she issued a warrant, ordered "no contact," and set the terms of his bond all on the same afternoon. Those two weeks were hard.

Peter moved most of his things out of our apartment during the first few days, while Princess, Prudence, and I were out. He tried to convince me to recant. We could work things out, he said. He asked me, "Don't you care how hard it's gonna be on our girls, if you go through with this?" He called a few times asking to visit with our daughters. I agreed to meet him in public spaces, but refused to discuss anything related to our relationship, "I don't want to talk about that now. You're here to spend time with Princess and Prudence." Needless to say, when the judge phoned to say she was enacting a "no contact" order, I was relieved.

The "no contact" order meant that it would be necessary for visits between Peter, Princess, and Prudence to be arranged by other family members or trusted friends. Things went smoothly for several weeks. Then, he found a new job, stopped paying any kind of support for our girls or the bills he'd made prior to leaving, and alienated the two people willing to transport the girls to/from visits. After our girls waited two days for an answer as to whether or not they'd get to visit their father, I received a call. A family friend said Peter thought he might be able to see Princess and Prudence on the following afternoon. I said no. I wasn't going to waste one more day leaving the possibility for a third disappointment.

The next day I received a text message from Peter's brother that I should drop Princess and Prudence at my parents' house, so Peter could pick them up for a visit. "…HE DOES NOT WANT DRAMA. JUST TO PICK UP THE GIRLS W/O TALKING." I refused. My parents are aging and have multiple health problems. Peter is being charged for abusing me. Why would I put my parents through the additional stress of facing him? Peter and his brother must both be delusional. These aren't DVDs he accidentally left at a friend's house. He can't just casually text that he’s stopping by to pick them up. They are his daughters. After that exchange, I decided I'm ready to allow family court to order regular support and mediate visits. I'd given Peter nearly two months to catch up his part of the bills and to consistently support his daughters. I couldn't wait any longer.

The following week I learned that Peter has entered a "not guilty" plea and is requesting a jury trial in criminal court for the charge of CDV. I suspect the first month he paid support and planned visits with our girls, because he didn't believe that I would follow through. He realized that I wasn't going to back down, only after it became necessary for him to enter a plea.  Since that realization I've received no offers of support or help from my in-laws. I feel like we are invisible to his relatives. I'm the mother of their grandchildren and a faithful wife of 15 years. How could they not call--not worry how the girls are doing? Don't they wonder how we are surviving? I thought we were f-a-m-i-l-y.