We are part of this dance, this eternal rhythm,
And woe to us if, blinded by illusions,
We detach ourselves from the dancing cosmos,
This universal harmony…” ~ Ruth Peel
I'm at the beginning of a brand new journey. My new roles of working mom, full-time student, and head-of-household are going to be quite a juggling act. Or as some would say, I better learn to dance, and fast! Lord Shiva's blissful dance expresses the rhythm and harmony of daily life: a divine performance of destruction, destroying illusions in order to create enlightenment, and transforming fear into grace. It's the continual manifestation of all natural existence. This sacred dance-drama is the universal cycle of birthing the present from a dying past. I am here. Alive…continually putting one foot in front of another along life's path.
Today's the day! I've found employment with a large grocery chain and will begin working as a cashier. In a few hours I begin my very first shift in six years. I've just finished up a two-day orientation. The orientation classes were filled with other new hires that were born the year I graduated high school. Yippee!! It was a bit awkward for me to make small talk during class breaks with four sixteen-year-olds who all said, "You don't look old enough to have children." I explained, "Well, yeah. I'm 33, so I guess I'm 'old enough.'" They responded with a simultaneous gasp. One was even blunt enough to state out loud, "God, you ARE old!" Lovely. I just kept nodding and smiling. I've been looking for a job away from home since early March. So, I feel blessed to finally have a job. I have no doubts that arranging childcare for Princess and Prudence will be balancing act of its own. But I'm not going to worry, I'll just keep "dancing" and things will work out the way they should.
Lord Shiva dances to destroy illusions and ignorance so that enlightenment may gracefully illuminate our existence. I too am working on my own personal journey to an enlightenment of sorts. Because I married as a teen, and Peter and I were dysfunctional co-dependents, I've yet to earn a degree, certificate, diploma from a college. Well, there's no time like the present. I started the admissions process at a local technical college several weeks ago. I’ve been accepted into an Allied Health program. One of the final steps to enrollment is to sit for an initial exam. My exam date is Thursday! "Ms. Pickle: full-time college student," sounds wonderful to me. I know that full-time enrollment will be difficult to navigate as a single mom, but it's the only way I can qualify for Federal aid. I can barely contain my excitement!
Excited or not, I will have to be extra vigilant to prevent work life and school life from becoming all-encompassing. As I work hard to create a bright future for my girls and myself, I can't lose sight of the eternal now. Making time for family fun has to be a top priority. Princess and Prudence are learning to swim. On afternoons when the heat is smoldering, we don our swim suits and sun block and go for a dip in the pool here at our apartment complex. Many of the residents are retirees, and most of the children from the younger families are enrolled in daycare programs. So, it's not uncommon for the three of us to have the pool all to ourselves. I've snapped several cute pictures. And the girls have giggled many hours away splashing and playing.
However, our summertime fun hasn't been limited to the pool. Last week we went for a day hike and picnic at the state Botanical Gardens. I was so proud that both Princess and Prudence were real troopers. We made a 2 mile loop following the nature trail and then, circling the grounds. They were a blast on the trails--stopping to smell blooming flowers and discussing the greedy squirrels who were stealing mushrooms from one another. At one point, Princess saw a natural cave in a hillside and pretended it was the "comfy home for a bobcat, so shhh...everyone. He's trying to nap." What an imagination!
We're going to be okay. Manifesting a new destiny sure feels good. Challenging? Yes...but good. I'm slowly finding my rhythm. I may not be a graceful dancer, yet, but in time my waltz will impress. I have faith that things have a way of working out according to a universal design that is beyond my finite comprehension. That's all right, though. My part is to simply learn the steps and keep moving 8-)
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